Waiting For You
by 0oxymoronic0
Summary: “You wanted to leave, didn’t you! You wanted to leave this place… me!” Akkigure. Chapter 101 from Akito's POV.


**A/N**

**I love writing Shigure, and I love writing Akito, so this was a good choice. It is basically a big fat spoiler for chapter 101, so don't read if your not that far, but if you don't really care or want to read it I have a link to a fan translation on my profile.**

**Not really anything, more like mindless angst, but I just wanted to write some angst. The quote for this is from How To Save A Life by the Fray (or the Frey, seen it spelt both ways). Just a few random lines from the song which I think fit.**

_**And pray to God he hears you**_

_**I would have stayed up with you all night**_

_**You begin to wonder why you came**_

**The point of view for this was hard for me, because I desperately wanted to write it in the third person but decided on Akito in the end because it makes it so much more beautiful.**

**I really wrote this because the section in the manga for this is so beautiful, but there's so much to be said about it that isn't, if you get what I mean.**

**Rated T for mild lemon, very inexplicit. About as explicit as the drawings in the chapter actually.**

**I also changed the tense halfway through, when I decided present works better than past.**

**INFO: The dialogue from this comes directly from mangavolume where I read the chapter. Not word for word, but it's pretty close.**

**Disclaimer: If I went around listing the things I didn't have there'd never be a fanfiction. You wouldn't want that, would you?**

**Waiting For You**

He stares at me from across the room with an expression of mild disbelief. He always has that expression on his face when he looks at me now, always playing innocent. Like he doesn't understand what was going on. Like he doesn't know what he had done – or rather, he didn't know that what he had done was wrong.

I walk slowly across the room, shrugging off my jacket casually.

"You know, dressing like that makes you look more and more like a boy." I close my eyes, keeping the tears from them. His rejection made my femininity seem irrelevant. He cocks his head to one side; a jackal surveying its prey, deciding whether to go for the throat or the chest. I don't rise to his jibe, slowly untucking the folds of my tie.

"Why are you here?" I ask, but receive only a smirk from him. I remember the fear from the restaurant; the frightened eyes of his parents as they inform me he is ignoring me again. I'm used to it by now, and don't flinch. They will never know the truth behind my actions; precious few know that. Even those precious few don't understand my motives.

But as he looks at me, those black pits trained on my face, I feel exposed, as if I was lying naked and dirty on the floor. I feel like he can see into my very heart, my soul. I feel my throat clog; what if he sees something that I don't want him to know? Can he see it? The small spark I've kindled for so long, hiding it deep down inside of me. Can he see it?

Can he see me?

I cough and looked away, distracting him, though I still feel his eyes trained on me. "The woman, with you at the restaurant." He looks at me, completely expecting the next few lines, but ever playing innocent.

"A workmate." I watch his eyes; nothing. As if he thinks nothing, as if he feels nothing, as if I am nothing.

I move close to him, leaning my body seductively against his, feeling like a slut yet again but wanting to be near him. Needing him. "Have you slept with her yet?"

He laughs, and looks away. "That would be rather difficult." I feel the anger bubble up inside me, the anger which I know I cannot control and can do nothing to stop. It comes and I cannot prevent it. I try and force it down, thinking calm thoughts, relaxing my mind, but when I open my eyes again his small mouth is twisted sarcastically and his eyes are ever watching, and the anger flares again.

We speak of sex so casually, so peacefully, as if it was nothing. "I thought you would have anyone," I mutter, turning away, continuing to fiddle with my tie but my fingers slipping as the nervousness builds up, and the anger threatens to take me again.

"You're being illogical," he sighs, voice full of sarcasm. I can hardly contain it now; his voice is pushing me over the edge.

I attempt to keep my reply calm, but my voice quivers slightly. "But didn't you sleep with _her_?" The emotions I feel pour into this sentence, and I feel them flow, but he simply acts innocent again, evoking my anger.

"Who do you mean?"

I can't take it anymore. I know that this is exactly what he wants but I just can't take it. "REN!" I scream, and he stares back, unflinching, as I glare at him, hate poisoning my look as it makes its way across the room to him. He looks back at me, his expression mildly surprised, but also slightly bored. "H-how could you… with her… how could you?!" I scream.

He sighs, and rubs his forehead. "Not _this _again," he mutters, his tone bored. "Isn't that why I live in that house? You told me to leave, and I went. I've already accepted my punishment for this." Doesn't he see? That's no punishment. That small, irrelevant move just makes me angrier. It just means that I see him less. It just hurts me more.

"True," I reply, the anger shaking my voice. "You left here without hesitation. You left here without complaining!" I yell, and he merely looks at me, driving me insane. "You wanted to leave, didn't you! You wanted to leave this place… me!" I let my thoughts have words but they bounce cheaply off his expression which, as always, regards me with a mild sense of apprehension and a deep sense of boredom, despite the fact I had just given my feelings to him.

"So you slept with that…!" I panted, my body making the most of me too, reminding me I was in no fit state to be doing this any more. My chest begins to ache and I resist the temptation to sink to my knees. "Sh-Shigure," I couldn't resist. "You l-love her… more…"

"'I think of you… more than any other… that is a definite… truth'"

The memory hits my anger hard, and I stare at him in complete and utter disbelief. Why… why would he remember? Why? If he doesn't care, why would he remember? "You remember…" I whisper, and he turns to look at me again.

"I didn't say I didn't," he says, outwitting me again, provoking my anger. "Have you had some problem with that?" I look aside, eyes searching wildly for an answer I cannot give.

"Was that some sort of test?" I bark. "Why would you test me like that?"

He turns to look at me again, his eyes turned dark, his malice shining through.

"I didn't test you. Don't you understand? The reason I slept with her… was because you slept with Kureno." His eyes are pitch. My soul is screaming.

_It's all my fault… it's all my fault… it's all my fault…_

"Don't blame me!" I scream, but it hurts so much. "Don't turn me into the villain!" My entire body is shaking, and I want to cry. I need to cry, but he is watching me and I know he is waiting for me to. "Don't you dare blame me! He's mine and I can do what I want with him!" The age-old excuse. My Juunishi. They are mine. I can control them. But I can't control my pain as it threatens to take over my whole body.

He sighs, and looks away. "Can we stop repeating the same thing over and over? If you don't understand, let's stop talking about it." He turns to leave, and I feel more fear take over me as I scrabble for his hand, an unspoken plea rushing into my eyes.

I lean in and push my lips against his throat, feeling his body tense beneath me until his hands rest on my chest. "You always deny that you're a woman… but you're so quick to use it."

Then all communications stop, and we fall down together.

_I'll always_

He kisses me gently and rocks my body in his arms.

_be here_

I wrap my arms around him, needing his love.

_I've always_

He rests his forehead on mine and stares into my eyes

_wanted you_

I press our lips together, praying for a love which doesn't exist.

_I was waiting_

He sits up and watches her fall asleep.

_for you_

He runs his hand down her body again and straightens up.

_for that day_

He lets her go, because he must.

_waiting for you_

He lets some pity enter his eyes before he walks away.

_to come_

She stands and stares out at the garden, alone again.

**A/N**

**Yes, it did weirdly change into third person at the end, but seeing as Akito falls asleep I can hardly write it in her perspective.**

**So, what did you think? Like it? Hate it? Think I shouldn't have bothered? Please review!**


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